Gaaaaaaah! So the last few days have been a diet disaster! I know for the past 12 yrs that trying to stay on a diet resoloution the first week or two of the year is extremely difficult because of my daughter's birthday. It's celebrated several times over... with family, with me, at school, and then the birthday party usually follows a week or two after that. This year I thought ahead of time and had her send out invitations before Christmas break, that way the party could be celebrated the first weekend after her birthday/return back from vacation. Poor kid... sucks to have a birthday right after the holidays! All of these celebrations makes for a dieting nightmare for me!
Friday was a nightmare starting with getting freaking PO'd waiting 3 hours at the hospital for my daughter to see the Opthmalogist! So by lunch we were famished, cranky, and meeting family... not a great combination! I ordered blackened Mahi Mahi tacos... but chose the hushpuppies instead of the steamed veggies... WHY???
Saturday started out well... went to the gym and had a great workout, but then got stir crazy because of the rain. Went to the mall with friends... had a salad.... dressing on the side, diet coke and fried zuchinni... ahhhhh... Then went back to her house, more friends joined.... ate 3 slices of pizza and 5 oatmeal raisin cookies.
Sunday.... 2 pancakes with low cal syrup.... Subway sandwhich for dinner... then the big binge.... baked 48 cupcakes with homemade buttercream frosting for my daughter's class. Cake batter and buttercream frosting.... geezus, what was I doing???? I know I can't resist cake batter and frosting!
So it shouldn't be such a shock to anyone that the scale was up 3 lbs this morning! I initially tried to do the whole justification thought process... hmmmm... well haven't had a BM in several days.... periods due soon. Then I stopped myself and said "no... it's because I binged and this is the consequence.... deal with it." So today was fine.... but had ice cream tonite with my daughter for her birthday. Small serving with chocolate sauce.... caught myself rummaging through the cupboard for more chocolate.... so here I am... keeping my fingers busy. Well at least one good thing about eating ice cream... it got me going again (a slight lactose intolerant!) lol Feeling a little less puffy!
Sooooo.... I will go to the gym tomorrow night and plan now for food alternatives for the b-day party this weekend.
Happy Birthday my sweet baby girl!
Monday, January 7, 2008
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Personal Trainer
So for Christmas this year my brothers and I decided to rebel against the practice of gift giving by drawing names... we all end up with $50 gift cards to stores or restaurants where don't typically shop or eat. Last year I received a gift card for Victoria's Secret... WTF? I have never bought anything, not even perfume from VS! I know the thought was there that I could use the card after I have surgery, but for now the card along with others are taking up residence in my wallet. Thank goodness Calif has a law against gift card penalties!
So as I was saying, we decided, much to my mother's disliking, that instead of drawing names, each person would spend $50 on themselves and then at Christmas dinner tell everyone what we bought and why.
Right after we announced our decision (Thanksgiving), I received and email from my gym offering a PT special - 5 sessions for $49.99! A sign! Perfect!
Well, session 1 was entirely paperwork... measurement, weight, body-fat %, etc. Session 2 was upper body... easy. Session 3 kicked my ass.... squats & lunges! I knew he would throw those moves into the mix! I couldn't move for 3 days! I had my 4th session last night. Upper body again, but different moves. Sore today, but not bad. Had a great cardio workout as well.
What's bad is that I feel like I'm coming down with a cold today! Why does this happen everytime I start back at the gym??? I'm resting tonite... drinking hot tea and sipping broth. My food intake has been within limits (1200 calories). I even lost a 1/2 lb from yesterday. I have posted my weight, etc. yet... I'll get the data from my trainer and I'll post current measurements and weight each Saturday. I'm trying hard to stay off of the scale in between.
Session 5 is scheduled for a week from Saturday. This will be the last session (not spending $1500 for an additional 20 sessions.... are they on glue?) Besides, I know what to do. I worked out extensively for 2 years - 6-7 days a week. I got the PT just to get me back in on a regular basis. I love working out.... just need to make it a priority in my schedule... but not let it become such a priority that my eating disorder kicks in and I get back into calorie defict issues. More on that later............... Going to crawl back under my new, hand-made blanket I received for Christmas from my bff. Have a great evening.... tomorrow is FRIDAY!!
So as I was saying, we decided, much to my mother's disliking, that instead of drawing names, each person would spend $50 on themselves and then at Christmas dinner tell everyone what we bought and why.
Right after we announced our decision (Thanksgiving), I received and email from my gym offering a PT special - 5 sessions for $49.99! A sign! Perfect!
Well, session 1 was entirely paperwork... measurement, weight, body-fat %, etc. Session 2 was upper body... easy. Session 3 kicked my ass.... squats & lunges! I knew he would throw those moves into the mix! I couldn't move for 3 days! I had my 4th session last night. Upper body again, but different moves. Sore today, but not bad. Had a great cardio workout as well.
What's bad is that I feel like I'm coming down with a cold today! Why does this happen everytime I start back at the gym??? I'm resting tonite... drinking hot tea and sipping broth. My food intake has been within limits (1200 calories). I even lost a 1/2 lb from yesterday. I have posted my weight, etc. yet... I'll get the data from my trainer and I'll post current measurements and weight each Saturday. I'm trying hard to stay off of the scale in between.
Session 5 is scheduled for a week from Saturday. This will be the last session (not spending $1500 for an additional 20 sessions.... are they on glue?) Besides, I know what to do. I worked out extensively for 2 years - 6-7 days a week. I got the PT just to get me back in on a regular basis. I love working out.... just need to make it a priority in my schedule... but not let it become such a priority that my eating disorder kicks in and I get back into calorie defict issues. More on that later............... Going to crawl back under my new, hand-made blanket I received for Christmas from my bff. Have a great evening.... tomorrow is FRIDAY!!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Being Queen....
So what does it mean to be Queen? Well, "Queen of the Pretty Faces" is a term my best friend uses to describe those of us who have "such a pretty face", where "if only you would lose weight" typically follows. It's the opposite of being a "Butter-face"! We're "butter-bods!"
Yes, I need to lose 40lbs. Last year this time it was only 20lbs.... a few years back I was at goal.... several years beyond that I had 100lbs to lose. Maybe I should be Queen of the Yo-Yo Sisterhood???
I've been in therapy for eating disorders. I go from binging-sans-purging (2007) to counting every calorie going in and then making sure I burn off every calorie at the gym (2001-2002 & 2006). I've been as high at 236 and as low as 114lbs... I'm 5'3" so 114lbs was skinny but not emaciated. I would have kept going, but my family intervened.
I had my "ah-ha" moment in 2006 where I made the connection of why I have an eating disorder. I'm sure it's the same as most... emotional needs not being met at a child. That was a powerful moment to make that connection. It felt as if the weight of the world was lifted... but it wasn't a cure. Now I have to learn to manage my triggers. Family... relationships.... stress... quitting smoking.
Last year encompassed all of these these triggers. Lots of time spent with family taking care of a family member dying of cancer.... dealing with death, quitting smoking... all of this added up to a 20lb. weight gain by Thanksgiving. Oh yeah... I turned 40 last year as well!
I know when I write I'm dealing with emotions.... keeping myself busy and my fingers from reaching in to the chip bag... and for a cigarette. So I'm testing if blogging is a way to manage my triggers that lead to binging an/or starving myself.
Alright... enough history. I don't want to dwell on past failures... they're only useful to analyze on what to do differently in the future!
Off to go get ready for the gym!
Yes, I need to lose 40lbs. Last year this time it was only 20lbs.... a few years back I was at goal.... several years beyond that I had 100lbs to lose. Maybe I should be Queen of the Yo-Yo Sisterhood???
I've been in therapy for eating disorders. I go from binging-sans-purging (2007) to counting every calorie going in and then making sure I burn off every calorie at the gym (2001-2002 & 2006). I've been as high at 236 and as low as 114lbs... I'm 5'3" so 114lbs was skinny but not emaciated. I would have kept going, but my family intervened.
I had my "ah-ha" moment in 2006 where I made the connection of why I have an eating disorder. I'm sure it's the same as most... emotional needs not being met at a child. That was a powerful moment to make that connection. It felt as if the weight of the world was lifted... but it wasn't a cure. Now I have to learn to manage my triggers. Family... relationships.... stress... quitting smoking.
Last year encompassed all of these these triggers. Lots of time spent with family taking care of a family member dying of cancer.... dealing with death, quitting smoking... all of this added up to a 20lb. weight gain by Thanksgiving. Oh yeah... I turned 40 last year as well!
I know when I write I'm dealing with emotions.... keeping myself busy and my fingers from reaching in to the chip bag... and for a cigarette. So I'm testing if blogging is a way to manage my triggers that lead to binging an/or starving myself.
Alright... enough history. I don't want to dwell on past failures... they're only useful to analyze on what to do differently in the future!
Off to go get ready for the gym!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Happy New.... Day!
Yeah for 2008. 2007 is over... some good times and some bad... but it's over! Funny what transpires in us at 12:00am January 1st isn't it? It's as if in a single second, life is once again anew. This year I'm saying that everyday is January 1st... or at least treat everyday as if it were the start of something new!
I'll be quick on this post... I'm tired and have to return back to work in the morning after being off on the only vacation I took in 2007! Hmmm... need to reassess that don't you think!
My goals for this year are to lose 40 lbs and have the tummy tuck and breast augmentation I've been planning for the past year. I will blog my progess towards the surgery - tentatively planned for the end of June. I'll post before pics and measurements for tangible aids towards my goal.
So I have less than 6 months to lose 40 lbs. I will lose the weight by working out 5-6 days a week (either at the gym or at home) and eating healthy. I must succeed at losing the weight in order to have the surgery in June.
So 1 day down... and a lifetime of good health to go!
Good night and remember... tomorrow is the start of something new!
I'll be quick on this post... I'm tired and have to return back to work in the morning after being off on the only vacation I took in 2007! Hmmm... need to reassess that don't you think!
My goals for this year are to lose 40 lbs and have the tummy tuck and breast augmentation I've been planning for the past year. I will blog my progess towards the surgery - tentatively planned for the end of June. I'll post before pics and measurements for tangible aids towards my goal.
So I have less than 6 months to lose 40 lbs. I will lose the weight by working out 5-6 days a week (either at the gym or at home) and eating healthy. I must succeed at losing the weight in order to have the surgery in June.
So 1 day down... and a lifetime of good health to go!
Good night and remember... tomorrow is the start of something new!
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